


Golden Light

by Chrysanthos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Bayonetta - Freeform, this fanfic is just Harry but with Umbra Witch powers, you read that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6038332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysanthos/pseuds/Chrysanthos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an AU where Harry returns to Hogwarts for his seventh year, the Sorting is interrupted by a beautiful, heavenly glow. What happens next will warm your heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden Light

As the scared first year walked her way up to the Sorting Hat, the doors to the Great Hall burst open, filling the doorway with an ethereal golden light.

 

"What on earth?" Hermione wondered out loud, "What is that?"

 

"They're angels," Harry said, standing up suddenly, as if transfixed, "Messengers of god, each one more radiant than the last."

 

"Angels?" Dean sputtered, "They're real?"

 

"You're a wizard," Harry replied, "So you tell me what is and isn't real," He said as he walked towards the doors. As the light dimmed down, the inhabitants of the Great Hall could indeed see humanoid figures with wings carrying large polearms with sun-shaped blades. These were indeed angels, and if anyone would care to know, they were called Affinity.

 

Harry slowly reached out for the angels, and they seemed to react to his presence, with one in particular reaching towards him. Before they could meet, however, Harry twisted his body so that he was upside down and punched the Affinity in the solar plexus, sending it backwards into it's contingent.

 

"You lot always know how to ruin special occasions, don't you?" Harry said, righting himself and pulling out what looked like a pistol, "I suppose someone has to teach you manners, and I'm perfectly up to the task." The Affinities screeched suddenly, and charged at Harry. Harry, in rebuttal, shot one of them in the head and kicked two others into a wall before shooting them too.

 

And so it began, with Harry kicking, punching, and shooting Affinities left and right. Every once in a while, he would grab one of them, slap their faces, and then slam them into another one. Eventually, however, the Affinities got a few lucky slashes on Harry, tearing into his clothes directly above his chest, up his legs, and even one on his butt. Harry, in response, gave a roundhouse kick that cleared a circle around him. He frowned at his sustained damage.

 

"Hmph. That's the last time I buy robes on sale," Harry muttered before grabbing the robes and literally tore them off, throwing the scraps over a couple of Affinities' heads and smashing them together. Underneath the robes was a black skintight bodysuit with matching high heels and gloves. Harry took out another gun and threw them both into the air. Harry then began to breakdance of all things, becoming a whirlwind of legs and arms that knocked several Affinities into the air. When Harry finished the last windmill kick, the guns came back down, attaching themselves onto the heels.

 

Then Harry took out two more guns, giving him a grand total of four. Picking up one of the Affinity's spears, he jammed it into the ground and wrapped his legs around it.

 

"Oh my god, he's actually going to..." Hermione muttered. And she was right; Harry began to slowly move around the pole, and then proceeded to poledance at rapid speeds, shooting from all four limbs as he did so.

 

"Sorry if you expected a private show, darlings, but I'm more of a public performer," Harry said, ending the dance with a wink. Looking at the glowing doors, he sighed, "Hasn't this train gone on long enough? Even I need rest..."

 

"Harry!" Neville called out, throwing Harry a sword, "Heads up!" Harry grabbed the sword and thrust it deep into a flying head with wings, known as a Decoration. Many Decorations were flying around now, entirely harmless but accompanied by what appeared to be headless, armored centaurs, otherwise known as Acceptance.

 

"Hmph, nice lance," Harry said, "Let's hope you aren't compensating for anything, love," He winked, before flipping onto an Acceptance's back. Harry slowly caressed the angel's flank, before whipping it with his pistol, sending the Acceptance into a bucking spree. Harry drove the Acceptance into Affinities, Decorations, and Acceptances alike before grabbing his mount's torso with his thighs and flipping it into the wall, destroying it instantly.

 

"Is that all you have? Don't make me beg now," Harry moaned as the angels finally began to retreat. Harry took out the gun again and shot the receeding angels, "Next time, make sure you can handle me!" He called out. Harry waited until they were gone, and then exhaled. It had been a while since he'd done that.

 

The Great Hall burst into uproarious applause.

**Author's Note:**

> A short fic inspired by the opening cutscenes of both Bayonetta games. Harry is 18.


End file.
